Feb 27

Bill Of NO Rights…

The Bill of No Rights
We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden or delusional. We hold these truths to be self-evident, that a whole lot of people were confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require The Bill of No Rights.
You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.
You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom and that means freedom for everyone – not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the World is full of idiots and probably always will be.
You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.
You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.
You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we’re just not interested in health care.
You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or kill someone, don’t be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.
You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don’t be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won’t have the right to a big-screen color TV or a life of leisure.
You do not have the right to demand that our children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive governments and won’t lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if you’d like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do not want to spend so much of our time battling each and every little tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat.
You don’t have the right to a job. All of us sure want all of you to have one and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.
You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to pursue happiness – which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.

Feb 19

A Chain, A Bolt & A Cop…

Two Taliban mothers are sitting in the cafe chatting over a pint of goat’s milk. The older of the mums pulls out her bag and starts flipping through pictures and reminiscing…”This is my oldest son, Mohammed. He would be 24 now”.
The other mum replies, “I remember him as a baby.”
Mum says, “He’s a martyr now.”
“Oh, so sad my dear.”
Mum flips to another picture. “And this is my second son, Kalid. He would be 21.”
“Oh I remember him. He had such curly hair when he was born.”
Mum sighs, “He’s a martyr, too.”
“Oh gracious me ,” says the second mother.
“And this is my third son. My beautiful Ahmed! He would be 18”, Mum whispers.
“Yes,” says her friend enthusiastically, “I remember when he first started school.”
“He’s a martyr also”, Mum says, with tears in her eyes.
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Taliban mother looks wistfully at the photos and says………..”They blow up so fast, don’t they?”

Got up early (as usual). Went to the property to move dirt around. Stopped by the new Lowe’s and picked up 30ft of a nice heavy chain. Now if someone hits it with their truck it WILL cause some damage.
Stopped at the Sheriff’s office in Belfair to see if I could swear out a complaint about the guy that dumped his garbage on my property Monday. They said I had to have 3 (three!) pieces of paper with a name on them. Damn! But, the Deputy did look through his system and found a “Steven Barrick” local and said he’d call and tell him to pick up his garbage. Of course, he can’t guarantee that this Barrick will actually go out and do it. I’m still going to look him up and give a call if I find a number…
Reasonably nice day out once the sun showed itself. Got a LOT of dirt moved. Made my ’canyon’ a bit wider and used the dirt to shore up the edges of the road.

Feb 10

Ain’t It The Trooth!

Dan Rather, Katie Couric, and a tough Marine Sergeant were all captured by terrorists in Iraq . The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded.
Dan Rather said, “Well, I’m a Texan; so I’d like one last bowlful of hot spicy chili.” The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the chili. Rather ate it all and said, “Now I can die content.”
Katie Couric said, ” I’m a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what’s about to happen. Maybe someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end.” The leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and Couric dictated some comments. She then said, “Now I can die happy.”
The leader turned and said, “And now, Mr. Marine tough guy, what is your final wish?”
“Kick me in the ass” said the Marine.
“What?” asked the leader. “Will you mock us in your last hour?”
“No, I’m not kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass”, insisted the Marine.
So the leader shoved him into the open, and kicked him in the ass. The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9 mm pistol from under his flack jacket, and shot the leader dead. In the resulting confusion, he jumped to his knapsack, pulled out his M4 carbine and sprayed the terrorists with gunfire. In a flash, all of them were either dead or fleeing for their lives.
As the marine was untying Rather and Couric, they asked him, “Why didn’t you just shoot them in the beginning? Why did you ask them to kick you in the ass first?”
“What???” replied the Marine, “and have you two assholes report that I was the aggressor?”

Jan 28

Snow? Did It Snow Somewhere Around Here?

Damned WeatherPerson’s anyway! And the weather too, I guess. For the last two days it’s been "Snow" this and "Snow" that. And I guess it has snowed a lot; everyplace but here! In some ways that doesn’t really bother me, in some ways it does. Oh, it did snow here for a few minutes but quickly turned to rain. Oh well… It Is Damned Cold Though.

Not much going on. Took Poop Dog out to the property and ran him around awhile. Damned cold out there too! Surprisingly, no snow. Lots of mud though! Poop Dog got really muddy and managed to spread it around the inside of my truck on the way back. Now I need to take a couple of wet towels out to wipe up.

Other than that just been playing around with video files on my comuter. Making flv files to put up on my web site. SWMBO’s on vacation this week. SHE’S TAKEN OVER THE TV SET! (’Bout Time!)

Hello, is this the Sheriff’s Office?"

"Yes. What can I do for you?"

"I’m calling to report ’bout my neighbor Virgil Smith….He’s hidin’
marijuana inside his firewood! Don’t quite know how he gets it
inside them logs, but he’s hidin’ it there."

"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day, the Sheriff’s Deputies descend on Virgil’s house. They
search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no
marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.

Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil’s house.

"Hey, Virgil! This here’s Floyd….Did the Sheriff come?"


"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep! "

"Happy Birthday, buddy!"

Can I get any more boring than this? I’ll try next post.